Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
