she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
