Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
