East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
