I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
