how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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