true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
