Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Holy shit dude........stairs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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