He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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