He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
