What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
