My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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