you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
