Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
