It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
