he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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