I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
