I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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