Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
