I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
