I could make wine with my vomit
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
