Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
