Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have fence marks all over my body
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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