Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
