Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
