What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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