I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I had to cum in my sink.
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