I just gift wrapped bread.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
