so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
