sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
