Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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