it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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