I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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