HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
