remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We are two peas in an std pod
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
