Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
