I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
