I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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