Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Randomize
