she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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