Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
