His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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