whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
