I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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