I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
