There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I supernannyed him into submission
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
