I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
