..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
