thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
