i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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