So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
