how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
