You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
