I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
