she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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